| I love slow living. It's peaceful, meaningful and | | | | teenage daughters (ages 13, 14, 16 and 17), they |
| downright radical in a go-go world.According to a | | | | look at me with a mixture of horror and pity. Life |
| recent article in (appropriately enough)Time | | | | must be tough at your house, they say. You |
| magazine, groups of harried parents across the | | | | must live in your car, they tell me.Um--no.My idea |
| USA are joining a wave of slow living advocates | | | | of multi-tasking is breathing, talking, and hiking in |
| by doing something really revolutionary--having | | | | the woods--all at the same time. My family eats a |
| one sit-down dinner at home with their kids each | | | | relaxing dinner together at home--by |
| week.I don't know whether to applaud or cry.The | | | | candlelight!--at least five nights a week. It's the |
| idea that parents are willing to undertake the | | | | best part of the day.Don't get me wrong. Sports |
| Herculean task of rearranging their schedules to fit | | | | are great for kids. So is drama. And music. And |
| in a single dinner at home is laudable. The fact | | | | debate.But dinner matters, too. I figure that my |
| that it requires superhuman effort is terribly | | | | kids aren't going to be living with us forever, and |
| sad.How did we get here?The article states that | | | | while they're here, it's a lot more important to |
| back in the 1980s, sociologists decided that | | | | have dinner together than it is to have the girls |
| providing structured activities for kids would | | | | sign up for every sport and activity on |
| prevent juvenile delinquency. In addition, education | | | | earth.What they lack in basket-shooting ability, |
| experts suggested that American children needed | | | | they've gained in conversation skills, |
| to study harder to compete academically in the | | | | thoughtfulness, and an appreciation for family and |
| global market.At the same time, American | | | | shared meals.They don't eat yogurt from a tube |
| business leaders looked around and discovered | | | | while riding in a van, then race home to study. |
| they were losing their edge. They bumped up | | | | Here's a typical scene at our house: four girls |
| hours and production rates in an effort to keep | | | | sprawled on the floor in front of the fireplace, |
| ahead of burgeoning Asian countries. This new | | | | doing homework or reading. This is after we've |
| competitiveness spilled over into the home, where | | | | had an enjoyable dinner and they've cleaned up |
| mothers fresh from the work force took the | | | | the kitchen.It makes me feel terribly guilty. |
| corporate ideal of high productivity to the | | | | Shouldn't I be exhausted and irritable, battered by |
| playgrounds.Yikes.I spent most of the eighties | | | | constant demands for rides and juice packs?It's |
| living and working in Asia. I taught English in Japan | | | | not that my kids don't do anything. They're into all |
| for five years, so I'm all too familiar with the | | | | kinds of activities--drama, music, dance, volunteer |
| "education mama" syndrome. What's interesting is | | | | work, and even jobs. Two are gearing up for |
| that the American mamas have taken that same | | | | lacrosse, one is in the midst of interviews for a |
| emphasis on competition and achievement and | | | | year-long exchange program, while the oldest is in |
| focused on sports or other activities. Although we | | | | her senior year and doing the college application |
| don't have to suffer the unfortunate | | | | dance. It's a busy time.And yet, they still eat a |
| consequences of despondent students going | | | | real dinner at home most nights.All of us--singles, |
| through the examination hell of the Japanese | | | | married couples, young families and empty |
| system, we have burned out 15-year-olds having | | | | nesters--can benefit from the dinner ritual. By |
| knee surgery for ten years' worth of soccer | | | | adopting and continuing the tradition of shared |
| injuries, and families who can't remember their last | | | | meals and conversation, we are emphasizing the |
| no-TV, no-phone, real food meal at home.I think | | | | importance of thinking and sharing ideas. If we |
| that somewhere between a manic preoccupation | | | | want our culture to value thinking, we've got to |
| with education and a rabid adherence to frenzied | | | | start by offering a tribute to it on a daily |
| activity schedules is a happy medium.It's called | | | | basis.Okay, so my kids may never get athletic |
| dinner.People in Europe or Latin America are | | | | scholarships. They may never meet a single |
| horrified to hear of families in the U.S. gulping | | | | university athletic director before choosing which |
| dinner in their cars on a daily basis. It's appalling | | | | college to attend. They won't be the next |
| that there are actually campaigns to re-introduce | | | | Olympic gymnast or ice skater, and they're not |
| the concept of sitting down to eat. In cultures | | | | likely to be conducting symphonies by the time |
| where families gather for meals every afternoon | | | | they're 25.They'll have to settle for being happy, |
| and again late in the evening, they view this | | | | smart, kind, aware, motivated, and full of |
| obsession with achievement as baffling, alarming | | | | enthusiasm for the world and their place in it. |
| and pitiful.And they're right.The truth is that it's | | | | Their father and I will just have to be satisfied |
| pretty hard to lose control of your family's | | | | with lasting memories of slow life with our |
| activities if you make dinner a priority most nights. | | | | cherished children, and our daughters will strive |
| It's simply not possible to attend multiple practices | | | | only to duplicate this same lifestyle for their own |
| each night if you're expected at the dinner table | | | | families someday.Radical, isn't it? |
| from 6:30-7:30.When I tell people that I have four | | | | |