The Art of Selfishness

Mature selfishness is the cornerstone ofto Seizing Passion and Purpose, ( strategies for
effectively living with passion and purpose. Aenhancing mature selfishness are described. You
commitment to self- interest is practical andneed to acknowledge to yourself and others that
efficient since you are better able to meet youryou are committing to healthy selfishness. You
needs than hope that someone else does. It ismay choose to discuss this with your family or
the basis for the laws of natural selection andfriends in a way that provides them some
"survival of the fittest." Unfortunately, society hasbenefit, too. You can practice selfishness by
given mature selfishness a bad name.Parents aredeveloping a Fun List; this is a list of thirty
well intended when they teach their children thatactivities that are fun, whether quietly enjoyable
selfishness is bad. Infants are primitively selfishlike reading a book or rollicking pleasure like a
and need to learn compromise, delay ofcounty fair or whitewater rafting. Over time, you
gratification, and social interest to deal effectivelycommit to adding items to the list that you can
with others. Yet, there is a continuum fromdiscover through friends, your local newspaper,
constant, immediate selfishness on one end tothe Internet, or flyers in the mail.The Fun list
always putting other people before you on thebecomes the structure and encouragement for
other end. Children need to progress from"YOU" to practice fun activities including sensual
immature selfishness to a more moderate,ones. Sensual literally means "of the senses."
mature selfishness that incorporates the interestOverly socialized, hard working people, especially
of others. However, teachers, peers, religions,women, may engage in very little sensual activity.
movies, and books continue to send the messagePracticing sensuality, e.g., walking through the
that selfishness is wrong; not that it must bewoods, attending concerts, or getting a massage
moderated.Mature selfishness naturally guides youcan help you break through any self-imposed
to people and situations that encourage pleasure,barriers to pleasure.It is up to you to decide how
happiness, and even hedonism. But, you have toto meet your needs and satisfy your desires; not
give yourself permission to be selfish and to meetthe world that taught you that selfishness is bad
your desires for fun and relaxation. This may beand that everybody matters more than you. You
difficult if you are overly socialized and base yourare so precious; you deserve to feel happy.To
life almost entirely on caring for others; this hasbegin your journey for developing your own
been referred to as "co- dependent." Maturemature selfishness, plan to spend three hours
selfishness can also be compromised when youevery week doing something that only you want
carry within you an overly committed Judeo-to do . . . alone. Then revel in that time and
Christian work ethic. You may feel extremelyactivity that you've chosen. Most importantly, put
guilty or anxious when you are not working out*your* name in your date book. Remember: start
of concern that you are being lazy or that taskswith three hours of selfish time for yourself. Can
are left undone.Mature selfishness is a process ofyou do it? Will you do it? It might take your
managing a hierarchy of desires including short-family, partner or co-workers a couple of weeks
and long-term activities from sex and amusementto get used to the new you, but they will see the
parks to retirement planning. You feel passionatepositive change in your attitude, your passion, and
about desires that feel deeply personal, important,your commitment to becoming a better you. In
and urgent which make you intensely committedthe end, they will benefit. So why not start this
toward a course of action. Thus, selfishness is theweek?
wellspring of passion.In Stepping Stones: 10 Steps